As I get busy putting the finishing touches on Teach Me so it’s ready for release on December 2nd, I thought it’d be fun to give you a few more glimpses of David and Austin.
David’s trying so hard to make me comfortable that it’s impossible for me to relax around him. I want to believe that he’ll be around long enough for me to learn to trust him, but I doubt that will ever happen. After all, everyone I’ve ever trusted has shit on me and thrown me to the curb, why should he be any different.
Rather than listen to the bullshit in my head, I lean back to rest in David’s arms. Even if this falls apart before the end of the weekend and I never see him again, I’m going to appreciate it for what it is. And then, maybe I’ll be a step closer to able to consider dating.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting addicted to the feeling of David’s arms wrapped around me, the way he makes me feel grounded in a world that’s otherwise adrift. The problem is we can never be anything more than what we are now; two men filling a void for one another. And hell, even that’s not totally true because every time my hand creeps higher on David’s thigh, hoping for more than some friendly petting or the kisses of the other night, David shuts me down. After the fourth time he lifts my hand from his leg and places it back on my own stomach, I give up trying.
The credits roll on our third television show of the night and I’m about ready to lose my shit. Twice now, he’s brought me back to his hotel and I haven’t gotten past first base. For better or worse, I need to put an end to the madness.
“What do you want from me?” I ask, flipping over so we’re lying chest to chest on the couch. It’s one of the most uncomfortable positions I’ve put myself in, but something tells me that I need to see the look in his eyes as he answers this question.
David pushes the hair away from my eyes, allowing his hand to rest at the back of my neck. “I want to get to know you. Everything about you,” he admits. The raw honesty I see in his pale eyes makes it difficult to not look away. “If my interest was nothing more than physical, I could have had that with you the last time you were here, but that’s not the type of man I am.”
He’s the one to break eye contact and my body relaxes. I fight to rebalance myself while he’s lost in thought. Maybe it’s the age difference, but this is one thing I’ve quickly learned about David; he’s very cautious with his words. It’s one of the reasons I don’t question what he says more often than I do.
“That’s not entirely true,” David corrects himself. “I have often sought out the company of men for nothing more than carnal pleasure, but that is not what I want from you. I can’t explain what it is, but there is something about you that I want to know. And I am willing to ignore my own desires until you are at a point where that is possible.”
Maybe I should be grateful for his chivalry, but I’m not. I’m a twenty-year old virgin, at least in the ways that matter, and I’d like to fix that problem. Yes, I’ve had sex with a girl, but I don’t really count that because it was more of an experiment. I would have been just as content slicing and dicing a dead frog in biology class for all the thrill that night gave me. It’s just my luck that the first guy I have the balls to flirt with seems hung up on the safety of my virtue.
In a move so bold I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what fuels me, I drag myself up David’s body, my fingers digging into his hips as I grind my cock against his. The tendons in David’s neck tense and I lean in, kissing and biting my way from his shoulder to his jaw. “Believe me, what you want is definitely possible,” I whisper in his ear, bucking my hips for emphasis.